Day Job Dilemmas: Bathrooms, Sawdust, and Hovering Co-Workers

dilemma

I was having lunch with my co-workers recently and we ended up talking about how shiny the floors are in our company’s bathrooms.

So right now you’re thinking two things: 1) How did that topic come up and/or 2) I’ve noticed that too and it’s disturbing.

You may even say to yourself (with a posh British accent) “why, on such a high-brow blog about creativity, is the author stooping to publish such low-brow humor?” You may never get an answer to that question.

Thus, we begin with #1…

#1 – Shiny Bathroom Floors

Shiny bathroom floors are upsetting, disturbing and borderline pornographic. If we can pick the finish for our printed photos, we should certainly be able to make a decree that all bathroom floors be standardized matte.

Why?

Shiny floor. You’re in stall #1. You miiiiiiight be looking at your smartphone if you’re seated (you probably are) so your head is tilted down. Toward the floor. Person enters stall two and prepares to…well.

In the floor shimmer, you can actually see what’s going on in stall #2.

It’s completely uncalled for that anyone should be able to see even a shrouded, wavelike form of someone preparing to…well. You see just enough to know that you should look away immediately–which you do (you DO right?!?!). And no, it’s not like you can identify the person–unless you remember their shoes.

I know I’m not the only one who’s thought this.

Wait…hello? Anyone…

#2 – Vomit Sawdust

Remember those little chips of rusty colored sawdust that some unfortunate soul would have to spread on kid-chuck in elementary school? I find so many things quite curious about the vomit chips.

    1. The sheer amount of child-mess necessitated a product. We don’t have closets of this product as adults. Closets and closets full of rusty little flakes just waiting to fulfill their destiny. Erg. 
    2. The lack of control of children. What if adults just chucked in the middle of hallways? I can’t even say anymore about it. But I will…
    3. The smell. I still remember (some 25ish years later) the unique smell of sweet, musky sickness. After coming in from recess or lunch, there’d be times when the smell would hit me before I even rounded the corner. “Yup, someone lost it up ahead. I better watch my step!” I’d tell myself.

It was like a minefield in my elementary school. Dilemma: where is the sawdust at my workplace. What if I need it? Just saying–but really…what if?

#3 – The Office Hoverer

I’ve talked a number of times about how many creatives have to have day jobs (here and here). Part of my day job involves working with numerous people at a large remodeling company. As public relations manager, I get to do a lot of creative projects (filming today!) and work with a lot of people.

Some of these well-meaning co-workers have dreams of greatness: they aspire to be in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Not as Santa. Or a pop star. Or a broadway belter or high-kicker. No, they want to be the biggest and best of all–they want to be a balloon in the parade.

I know this because these office-hoverers have three characteristics similar with Macy’s balloons: 1) they approach slowly, 2) they like to look down on their audience, 3) you adjust to them, they do not adjust to you.

The hover-ers must taken note from this video.

Question: What are your office dilemmas? Don’t hold back.

email

Author: Andrew Zahn

I'm a son, husband, dad, business owner, actor and good sleeper/eater. On this blog, I pave a highway for creative growth by providing food, water, and shelter for those wishing to live, work, and play with creative zest.

  • Thanks for the laugh…will never look at a bathroom floor the same. Our biggest dilemma is stolen lunches…something I just don’t get.

  • I did not understand a pile of toilet paper I found lying on the floor in a stall the other day. Nor did I investigate.

  • Man, I really don’t like shiny bathroom floors. Funny post man.

    • I did go a bit over the edge with the shiny floor thing Dan. But then again, shiny floors do go a bit over the edge as well 😉

      • Ha, it’s true some bathroom are way over the edge.

  • Scrollwork

    I see what you did there. You made sure we now associate office blowhards with vomit and disturbing bathroom phenomenon. You crafty creative you. But you were spot on! Overinflated egos are the bane of day jobs that I’ve had.