I’ve tried my hand at fixing things around the house. Whatever the project, it usually works… but with a caveat. If I fix it you usually have to instruct others to…
- “Jiggle the handle”
- “Turn it the other way”
- “Force it down”
I’m not super handy as evidenced by having a mild anxiety attack after opening these instructions on a recent project I did (disclosure: with my Dad. I couldn’t do it alone).
Only 26+ steps to a simple installation. So much to go wrong.
It’s also interesting to note that I work for a home improvement company in the sales and marketing departments. Repeat: the sales and marketing departments. This week part of my duties involved production of a commercial for our kitchen division.
Can you guess what era this shot is seeking to represent?
While watching the installer during filming, I was relieved to hear him (a 15 year home improvement specialist who does amazing work) saying many of the same home improvement project phrases my Dad said both during our 463 step project and during my 36 year upbringing assisting my dad in numerous projects.
1. “Son of a”
That’s all. It doesn’t go any further than the “of a.” Ends right there.
2. “That’s not good”
Always make me nervous to hear someone else say that during a project. And usually it’s not. It’s usually not good.
3. “What were they thinking?”
Refers to the whomever installed the project prior. Intended to betlittle the non-present party and bolster self-confidence in the current project’s outcome.
4. “What the”
I prefer “what the what,” but the “what the” is a staple of home improvement project phrases.
5. “We’ll see what happens”
Usually said when water is turned back on for the first time after completing plumbing.
6. “Turn it off, turn it off, TURN IT OFF!”
Yelled loudly, passionately, emphatically.
7. “We might have to go to . Are they still open?”
My Dad and I made three trips to the store during our epic project. Just saying.