How to Write Worthless Content

How to Write Worthless Content | Creatives

Writing worthless content is all the rage. Here’s some tips!

1. Your opening sentence must elicit boredom.

You might try a sentence like this:

“This blog post is about the time I found a rock in my shoe.”

Or…

“Today’s gonna be a horrible day… ugh.”

A final suggestion…

“I know a blog shouldn’t be an online diary, because no one wants to read that, but I just have to say …”

Worthless!
Photo Credit: duncan c via Compfight

2. Focus on yourself.

Make all your content about yourself. Talk about yourself a lot.

Here’s the best way to do this:

When you sit down to write your blog post, novel, short story etc., start every sentence with “me,” “my,” or “I.” This will ensure your focus is properly placed on you and will greatly aid in your quest to write worthless content which provides no value to your readers.

3. Don’t proofread

Write realy quickly and never look back. make sure you have a ton of typeo’s, misplaced apostrophes, misspellings, run-on sentences, and and always remember: be smart, learn grammer and stuff like that and remember what your English teacher taught you about prepositions? Never end a sentence with

4. Write well, but make it visually unappealing.

We all love big blocks of letters. We’re drawn to gigantic, behemoth-sized paragraphs.

  • Don’t use bullet points. Your readers don’t like them.
  • Don’t indent and set thoughts apart.
[box options]By all means, don’t use little shaded boxes to get your point across. Shaded boxes will not help you write worthless content.[/box]

5. End on a low note.

Leave your readers feeling like you didn’t finish writing.

Forget the idea of beginning/middle/end. Just do that beginning/middle thing. That’ll surely accomplish the goal of writing worthless content.

 

Question: What other tips do you have for writing worthless content?

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Author: Andrew Zahn

I'm a son, husband, dad, business owner, actor and good sleeper/eater. On this blog, I pave a highway for creative growth by providing food, water, and shelter for those wishing to live, work, and play with creative zest.

  • Avoid action verbs like they’re brussels sprouts…To achieve true worthlessness, you need your readers to be as passive as your verbs.

    • Andrew Zahn

      That’s fantastic Christine! Yes yes yes! Use “b” verbs a lot.

      Love the phrase “to achieve true worthlessness.”

  • Sea, I right four me, so theres relly no need to profread or attmpt a format that engages the reeder. I just right from my heard, and if it’s on my mind, it just comes out. If it has an ending, grate,

    • Andrew Zahn

      Dude! Grate worthless content tip!

      Loved it.

  • Rob

    Brilliant.

  • Jim

    Come up with an uber-catchy amazing title that has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the content in the blog post. Once the reader clicks on the link to the post, you can bore them into a trance and make them read the completely worthless, non-relevant content.

    • Andrew Zahn

      Made me laugh out loud. So true.

  • Truth be told, I’ve never thought of using shaded boxes to get my point across. I’m going to start doing that. Thanks for the tip!

  • Be sure to never ask evaluative questions regarding the purpose of your blog before you post.
    For example, do NOT ask:
    – Is this authentic?
    – Is this encouraging or insightful?
    – Is this God-honoring?

    • Andrew Zahn

      Authenticity. Yes indeed.

      So for the content to be worthless, it needs to be fake and manufactured right?

      Thanks for dropping by Laura! Glad to see you here.

  • When I first started blogging, I wrote 800 to 1000 word posts. I think the worthless post should be minimum that. Maybe 2000 words.

    • Andrew Zahn

      Yes, in order to be worthless, make the post long and drawn out!

      Great tip Larry!

  • AlTeRnAtE wItH cApItAlIzAtIoNs BeCaUsE iT mAkEs YoU lOoK sUpEr HiP aNd CoOl! AnD uSe ToNs Of ExClAmaTiOn MaRkS!!!!!! GrEaT fOr TrEaTiNg YoUr BlOg LiKe A jUnIoR hIgH gIrL’s FaCeBoOk StAtUs UpDaTe!!!!! OmGgGgGgGgG!!!!

    • Andrew Zahn

      Oh dear. Oh my. Oh fantastic.

      And very sad, but very true. OmGgGgGgG!!!!!!! Hilarious.

      • Ironically, this method of “writing” required much more attention to detail than I anticipated. Perhaps there is some genius to…wait, no, there isn’t. 🙂

    • I think 90% of the text on MySpace is written this way…

  • Ken Stewart

    I don’t blog at all. What could make my content more worthless than remaining forever unwritten? Top THAT, you blogging blog-bloggers!

    • Andrew Zahn

      We all know you want to blog. We’re just waiting for you to do it. For reals, if I keep badgering you about it, well, I’ll be badgering you about it.

      • Ken Stewart

        I confess, I do. I just don’t want to be the guy you wrote this post about. Until I find something to say, I’ll just make forays onto yours. “Forays a jolly good fellow…”

  • Read lots of James Joyce, soak in his style, seek to emulate it–and you, too, can write entire books about “moocows.”

    Or something.

    I think.

    Maybe portraits of bloggers as young persons.

  • Jen W

    The blow by blow of every mundane meaningless and rote task of the day must be included. if you want to really annoy the ready with your “blahness” start with when you put your socks on while sitting on the toilet, and perhaps how long it took your oatmeal to cook.

  • By making sure you never write about one specific niche area. One day writing about one topic and the next writing about a completely different topic. The blog begins to be a never knowing what the person is going to be writing about.

    Great points on what not to do.

  • Don’t forget that it’s all about telling readers your opinion, which is completely 1000% set in stone. Never ask for feedback or opinions on the topic. But I mean, if it’s boring enough, they’ll have fallen asleep before they could get to that anyway.

    • Andrew Zahn

      Yes Ainslie!

      Just spew out a one-sided convo. Everyone loves the person at the Christmas party that won’t stop talking.

      Good tip!