Hair, Age, and Three Toupees

Most of us don’t want to feel old. Even fewer of us want to look old. Yet extreme measures to cover up our age aren’t always successful. For instance, let’s just say that the following story is true.

Because it is.

A guy in his mid-thirties starts to lose his hair. He has a few options.

  1. Shave it all off.
  2. Go bald gradually.
  3. Fake it with a rug.
Lisa: A Friend With Tons of Hair
The guy in our story decides that option 3 is his best route to take. So he buys a toupee. Which bids another question: how does one purchase a toupee?

Balding Guy enters toupee shop. He approaches sales guy.

Guy: So. How do we do this?
Sales Guy: Do what?
Guy: Cover up this.
(Bald Guy points to his thinning hair)
Sales Guy: It’s up to you. We have yak hair, human hair, or synthetic hair.
Guy: So do I try them all on or what?
Sales Guy: Yeah man. Let’s start this party

(Cue music: ‘Hair’ from the musical … Hair)

So he gets a rug. The first time he wears it he’s thinking ‘dang, I look good.’

So good, in fact, that he wants to really convince people it’s real. So… he purchases two more toupees.

Sales Guy: You’re back. It looks great (obviously lying).
Guy: Yeah, I’d actually like to get two more if that’s possible.
Sales Guy: Backups?
Guy: Not really. I want the second one to be a little longer than the one you gave me. The third will be slightly longer than the second.
Sales Guy: Ah, brilliant (he’s holding back laughter).
Guy: I thought so.

Bald guy now updates his Outlook Calendar with reminders. Every 10.3 days he plays toupee shuffle, switching out the longer lengthed toupee until it’s time to go back to the shortest. Hence, he actually gets a haircut.

True. Story.

Also, he’s constantly taking compliments on his ‘new haircut’ every 30 days.

***

How old do you feel?

It’s one of my favorite out-of-left-field-get-to-know-you questions.

The answers always reveal a lot about a person. Try it sometime and see what responses you get.

 

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Author: Andrew Zahn

I'm a son, husband, dad, business owner, actor and good sleeper/eater. On this blog, I pave a highway for creative growth by providing food, water, and shelter for those wishing to live, work, and play with creative zest.

  • Lisa

    I don’t get toupees, I think maybe less than 2% of them look even a little real. Also, I hardly ever look at a bald man and say to everyone near me “check out that bald guy” but I will always draw attention to a toupee.

    • Andrew Zahn

      As in “check out that toupee guy!” Yeah, I would say they’re pretty easy to spot 🙂

  • Haha that is hilarious, if someone went to all that trouble! I would applaud them!

    • Andrew Zahn

      True true. That’s a ton of work. And expense. Those rugs aren’t cheap are they?

      Not that I’d know…

  • We had a friend in his 20’s who was bald and looked 35. Now he is in his 60’s and looks like his late 40’s. The rest of us are all gray with out much hair.
    I guess that means your friend should just wait 40 years and he will look really good.

  • I find some bald men attractive now. Boy does that make me feel old!
    And another thing: when women in their mid-20s lament, “I’m so old!” I just wanna choke their whiny tiny nubile necks.

    • Andrew Zahn

      I had to look nubile up. You’re like a wordsmith! Fun-ness

  • I have blog waiting in the wings about hair, or more precisely the lack of it. As you can see from my profile pic that I did not go rug shopping. Great story.

    • Andrew Zahn

      Can’t wait to read it Andy!

  • I have to say, I really wish I could witness this. So ridiculous, too funny!