This isn’t quite what I’d expected, but I’m glad you picked me.
I guess I was thinking it would end sooner than this. Ya know, that I’d be in the fireplace by now or whittled into something.
Anything but this.
How did this all start? With you guys bringing teenaged trees inside your homes and putting this junk on us?
I suppose if ya gotta go, this is the way to go, but it’s a bit much. I can’t help but feel slightly embarrassed by all the attention, picture taking, prime window location.
Coffee would be nice. This water is hor-ri-bul. You guys drink this stuff? Man, the water we got when we were kids. Good stuff. We lived right by a spring-fed lake. Now that’s water. Yessiree.
Suggestion: since it seems you’ve done this before, why not change things up next year? Why not leave us in the ground, you could decorate us there, and then if you really wanted a tree inside, you could, I dunno, make a fake tree. I mean, I don’t want to complain. I appreciate all the work you’ve done, but this slow death (especially with this water) is killing me. Literally.
Also, your cat’s a demon.
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